The Missing Cheese
SR-001
Case No. 001
The trouble began at Snack O’Clock.
This is an official time in our house.
It does not appear on ordinary clocks because ordinary clocks were invented by people and Snack O’Clock was invented by dogs.
Sheriff Gryffin considers his system considerably more accurate.
At approximately Snack O’Clock plus two minutes, a refrigerator door opened in the kitchen.
His head came up.
One ear lifted.
Then the other.
Somewhere beyond the horizon…
a cheese wrapper crinkled.
The Sheriff was already moving.
By the time I reached the kitchen, he had established a perimeter.
Siren was standing near the refrigerator.
Lucy Girl was perched beside the counter.
Both looked suspicious.
Siren because she was also a dog and therefore understood the seriousness of cheese.
Lucy because she was a cat and considered suspicion a personality trait.
Gryffin stood in the middle of the floor wearing the expression of a lawman who had just discovered corruption went all the way to the top.
“What happened?”
He looked at me.
Then the refrigerator.
Then back at me.
The evidence was clear.
There had been cheese.
Now there was not cheese.
Somebody was going to answer for it.
The Investigation
The Sheriff searched beneath the table.
Nothing.
Behind the trash can.
Nothing.
I opened the refrigerator so he could inspect the lower shelves.
Nothing.
“Don’t look at me,” I said. “I didn’t take it.”
He continued looking at me.
My statement was entered into evidence but apparently lacked credibility.
Siren was questioned next.
Gryffin approached.
She sniffed him.
He sniffed her.
There was a brief exchange of information unavailable to human investigators.
Siren walked away.
“Is she cleared?”
Gryffin did not respond.
Apparently not.
Lucy Girl watched the entire investigation from the counter.
“Did you see anything?”
Lucy blinked.
Slowly.
She knew something.
Cats always know something.
They simply enjoy watching civilization collapse under the weight of not knowing it too.
Then Gryffin froze.
Beneath the cabinet…
a crumb.
He approached carefully.
Sniff.
Sniff.
Gone.
“Sheriff, did you just eat evidence?”
He looked at me.
I looked at him.
The official report would later describe the crumb as inconclusive.
A Break in the Case
Mama entered the kitchen and stopped.
“What are you doing?”
“Investigating a cheese disappearance.”
She looked at me.
Then at Gryffin.
Then toward the counter.
“You mean that cheese?”
We turned.
There beside the cutting board sat a small plate.
On it…
cheese.
The Sheriff approached.
One sniff confirmed it.
Missing property recovered.
Case closed.
Except Mama picked up the plate.
“It’s for my sandwich.”
Gryffin stared at her.
Then at the cheese.
Then back at her.
The investigation reopened immediately.
OFFICIAL CASE FINDINGS
The Sheriff’s Office has determined that the cheese was never stolen.
It had merely been placed approximately four feet from where Sheriff Gryffin believed cheese ought to be.
Siren was released due to insufficient evidence.
Lucy Girl remains a person of interest.
One piece of evidence was consumed by the investigating officer.
No arrests were made.
Sheriff Gryffin has requested a sample of the recovered cheese for further analysis.
His request remains under review.
CASE STATUS
Technically closed.
The Sheriff disputes this classification.
He remains stationed near the refrigerator…
watching.
Waiting.
Because sooner or later, another wrapper will crinkle.
And when it does?
Sheriff Gryffin will be there.
Probably before you are.
Filed by: Sheriff Gryffin
Jurisdiction: Kitchen & Surrounding Territories
Evidence recovered: 1 plate of cheese
Evidence consumed: 1 suspicious crumb
Primary suspect: Everybody
Official ruling: No snack disappears on my watch. ⭐🐾